And yes I am crying . Crying for something I am longing for.
Crying for those shattered families, those beautiful homes. We lost it all.
You know I am currently reading Milton’s Paradise lost . I can somewhat relate to it. They commit sin, taste the forbidden and lose paradise only to land on this planet . Yes I believe in pre destination , but add to that I believe we can change “the sound of music” by the deeds we commit, the lyrics we write.
“La-illa ha Illa anta subhanka -ini -kuntum-minaz -zaulimeen”
‘There is no deity but You. Glory be to You! Verily, I have been among the wrongdoers’ (Quran 21:87)
And hence, we suffered . Suffered for what we had done.
Kashmir floods , people lost everything , bodies decorating the once carved- out of a dream- houses.
I cannot imagine the magnitude of the destruction it has caused.
The things around me usually do not have an effect on me. I am in some dream always, people think maybe I’m high on narcotics . There were times when I felt guilty of being selfish and in my own world.
But, when all of this happened it changed and transformed the person inside me. I said to myself “darling you are not selfish . Way better than others around.”
Now on this day , a Sunday I think . I could not get to my parents, no calls nothing . I got irritated , worried . the updates around, the flashing red on the news channels . So, in my usual resolve-issues-in the shower I could not resolve this one. Instead I started crying . Yes , that one moment the satan had me (yes I am a believer ) . I crushed him . Out of the shower I was in peace with myself , I knew they were safe . This is my glorious moment if you were to ask me, knowing and realising the faith I had in my creator . The firm belief that Allah is there to take care no matter what . I found my strength .
Out of the shower , the water still dripping from my head , I did not bother to dry my brown locks . Instead I sat writing . Writing about what i could do to help . Yes you should know I study in this Christian school where there are not many muslims ,but hindus and christians. So, I was not sure .
But, nonetheless I forged ahead, went to my department and talked to my professors , hoping they would help . And yes they did , they had already taken this initiative of doing something , collecting funds for the flood victims . For a moment I was so happy and then I realised I had to go through this alone . Allah helps always does, my friends helped . I did not expect to collect much in two days . But starting this alone, taking the initiative , seeing my friends do whatever little they could do to help me and hearing someone say “You did this , you can do anything”. I think I did something I will be happy for the rest of my life , because I started this alone, not expecting help . I somehow became the reason that people were proud of themselves . This time I was not dreaming . I was doing something . Something which you may consider little or nothing . But, it meant so much to me . Strangers calling and wanting to help . I experienced the joy , the joy which I associate with daffodils . Even though my paradise is still in ruins, I will not feel guilty for not doing anything . Even though we contributed a single daffodil , but I still am proud of it . Someday I will be capable of giving my land of yellows .
All I can do is pray now after depleting and exhausting all my soul .
I think this was a reminder for us to ask for forgiveness from our Creator .
And yes he will forgive. Inshallah